tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post425837332780544370..comments2023-09-22T12:40:26.587-04:00Comments on Da'as Hedyot: Shidduch ShamsThe Hedyothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15193083251783618457noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-38666698893639419962008-05-21T12:45:00.000-04:002008-05-21T12:45:00.000-04:00"DH,Haven't you heard the ultimate refute to your ..."DH,<BR/>Haven't you heard the ultimate refute to your claim? The stricter the sect the less cases of divorce. Those who meet only once before their wedding have a smaller statistical chance of ending the marriage. Don't you know that? ;)"<BR/><BR/>Thats because if you get divorced you might as well go to college- its worse then going off the derech for some people. Many people in the charedi community resort to far worse devices because they fear getting a divorce. Take a look at craigslist for example or the underground chassidish sex world for men and women who are stuck in crappy marriages.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-2781992224552734842008-04-19T14:31:00.000-04:002008-04-19T14:31:00.000-04:00unfortunately i have to agree with enigma's take o...unfortunately i have to agree with enigma's take on this all...I have a friend who has entered shidduchim on the basis that he's horny, been going into the wrong crowds and wants to leave yeshiva. <BR/><BR/>He doesnt have a job, hasn't been to college, barely graduated from high school and isn't all that mature even now. Good luck to him though...Jewish Sceptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11262751671021588424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-5216568317709591282008-04-12T10:27:00.000-04:002008-04-12T10:27:00.000-04:00What are the "right reasons" for marriage. Love? ...What are the "right reasons" for marriage. Love? Historically, marriage has only been based on "love" for like 200-300 years. Prior to that people got married because they needed a partner to run farms, because their parent's wanted to have a connection to another set of parents, or because that was the only way to gain status as an adult in society. Some people loved each other, yes, but that was considered icing on the cake...and not a good reason to get married in and of itself. <BR/><BR/>So it seems orthodox jews arn't coming up with some new model here- they are just (as usual) hearkening back to an old, perhaps outdated model. <BR/><BR/>There's an excellent book on this subject called "Marriage, A history: From obedience to intimacy, or how love conquered marraige" by Stephanie Coontz, who is a leading historical sociologist. I highly recommend it (I have my students read a few chapters from it every semester)Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-11980749215391875012008-04-10T19:19:00.000-04:002008-04-10T19:19:00.000-04:00I'm with Superraizy. My first thought, when you as...I'm with Superraizy. My first thought, when you ask:<BR/><BR/>"You consider it responsible to put someone immature and flighty in charge of one of your most venerated institutions?"<BR/><BR/>Was<BR/><BR/>"You consider it responsible to put someone immature and flighty in a committed, intimate relationship with a young girl?"<BR/><BR/>Perhaps having his own home life, and a sex life, and responsibilities, will indeed help this boy to "get his act together."<BR/><BR/>Or perhaps we'll be reading his wife's blog in a few years, about how her husband can't keep a job, often mysteriously disappears, and takes no responsibility for their home or their relationship at all.<BR/><BR/>I'd hate to bet my daughter on a risk like that.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12012646103361709320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-23484630815771991782008-04-01T22:05:00.000-04:002008-04-01T22:05:00.000-04:00Hedyot,thank you for posting such a meaningful and...Hedyot,<BR/><BR/>thank you for posting such a meaningful and honest post. <BR/><BR/>The whole shidduch thing is so self contradictory. The Shadchanim are horrible. While they claim to be frum they make the worst shidduchim for money. They are also nasty enough to pull the "psycho" on you if you are a girl who is in her late twenties and don't want to date a 50 year old shidduch. <BR/><BR/>I hate the shidduch and the shadchan world. They made me feel like piece of trash cause I was a baal tshuva. <BR/><BR/>Tikkunolam, why would Hedyot return back? He has to be insane to do that. Baalei tshuvas do not belong into the "frum" world, cause the FFBs insult and hate them. So let the FFBs live happily among themselves. I can assure you that ex-frummies are happy with their lives too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-28085312713840976972008-03-19T15:05:00.000-04:002008-03-19T15:05:00.000-04:00Hedyot,I am unclear from you comments on my post a...Hedyot,<BR/>I am unclear from you comments on my post and from your stuff here - are you out of this world yet? And if not and you are looking for some support - feel free to contact me through Dovbear's email - he'll get it to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-46454344659921644882008-03-06T06:18:00.000-05:002008-03-06T06:18:00.000-05:00i am a pretty secular jew who has many friends who...i am a pretty secular jew who has many friends who are bal t'chuvah and orthodox.<BR/>I suppose you can be snarky about this idea of marriage for a young man, but at least try to remember that you aren't the authority on life decisions.<BR/>you don't like it? you don't want to marry this way? not for your kid? whatever.<BR/>it's wrong "objectively"? ha ha. <BR/><BR/>tsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-84709380756210622542008-02-28T18:36:00.000-05:002008-02-28T18:36:00.000-05:00I always look forward to your insightful postings....I always look forward to your insightful postings. I have been a social worker at a yeshiva for 10 years, and I have seen marriage used as a "fix all" several times. Sadly a young man who many suspected to be gay was "forced" by his parents to get married shortly after his graduation. This subsequently led to a great deal of heartbreak for the young bride once she realized what she got herself talked into.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-58468082520922716862008-02-28T16:47:00.000-05:002008-02-28T16:47:00.000-05:00"This kind of attitude shows that to you marriage ..."<I>This kind of attitude shows that to you marriage is actually nothing special at all; it's merely a tool;</I>"<BR/><BR/>But it's a very special tool! Like duct tape, it fixes <B>everything</B>, and you're always disinclined to remove it and get left with the sticky, gooey, dirty mess it tends to leave behind.Baal Devarimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06490450025721108241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-30351279687040338342008-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:002008-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:00Hedyot, you've apparantly moved so far from charei...Hedyot, you've apparantly moved so far from chareidi society that you have trouble understanding this kind of mentality. <BR/><BR/>The thinking is like this: Marriage is a cure all for almost anything. Got a boy with raging horomones? Marriage.! NOW! Got a boy who's confused about his sexual identity? Marriage will reinforce his heterosexuality. Got a girl who's rebelling by wearing low cut dresses? Marry her off quickly and see those buttons close up. Got a boy not interested in learning? Marry him off so that he doesn't fall into the wrong crowd. If only Goyim knew the secret of fixing all of society's ills by marrying off everyone, the world would be a better placeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-51630872758992277402008-02-28T01:06:00.000-05:002008-02-28T01:06:00.000-05:00They actually dated for around a month or so. It w...They actually dated for around a month or so. It wasn't the chassidish style courtship where they barely talk even once before announcing the engagement.The Hedyothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15193083251783618457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-61152543370739211392008-02-28T01:00:00.001-05:002008-02-28T01:00:00.001-05:00DH,Haven't you heard the ultimate refute to your c...DH,<BR/>Haven't you heard the ultimate refute to your claim? The stricter the sect the less cases of divorce. Those who meet only once before their wedding have a smaller statistical chance of ending the marriage. Don't you know that? ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-32866517583114776632008-02-27T10:06:00.000-05:002008-02-27T10:06:00.000-05:00What are you going on about? She's good-looking, ...What are you going on about? She's good-looking, he's rich, it's perfect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-73176208638625178292008-02-27T08:13:00.000-05:002008-02-27T08:13:00.000-05:00>Mazal Tov!And IY"H by you :)(assuming you're not ...>Mazal Tov!<BR/><BR/>And IY"H by you :)<BR/><BR/>(assuming you're not already married, engaged or otherwise dis-inclined)Baal Haboshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12861222390091673835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9839224.post-68311539026764591052008-02-27T05:10:00.000-05:002008-02-27T05:10:00.000-05:00Wow, this is new to me. I agree with you that this...Wow, this is new to me. I agree with you that this is a ridiculous reason to marry off a 17 year old. And what about the bride? Aren't her parents gambling with her future by allowing her to marry an immature and irresponsible teenager?SuperRaizyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06742653185025562286noreply@blogger.com