Thursday, June 09, 2005

Why I Don't Write

Things have been kind of slow here recently. Some people have complained to me about that, saying that they are eager to hear more of my thoughts. As much as I'd always like to please my loyal readers, sometimes I just don't have anything substantive to write about. As any reader of this blog knows, most of my rants here focus on the various stupidities that are rampant in chareidi society. That's the society that I came from, and it's about those issues that I feel I have worthwhile ideas to express. Although I'm not a part of that community anymore, I try to stay informed of the trends and issues of that world, watching it all closely, and trying to find indications of all those much denied, yet horribly widespread dysfunctions which afflict chareidi society.

The obvious question that I'm often asked is, Why do I still bother with that world? If I've left it behind, why do I concern myself with it so much? I've already dealt a bit with this question in various prior posts, but one aspect that I have to admit to is that, psychologically, I simply haven't fully left that world. There's a part of me that still is there in some sense. I still have, if not one foot still stuck in that world, at least a toe testing those waters, or an eye looking over my shoulder.

However, the more time I spend out of that world, the less and less I find myself caring about all that stuff. All the inanities, the hypocrisies, the shallowness, the misplaced priorities, the whitewashing, the denial, the petty frumkeit-ness, the halachic one-upmanship, the distorted Torah, all the craziness that there is to focus on of my former world, is just mattering less and less to me each passing day.

The inevitable result of my waning interest in such matters is that I find myself with so much less to ruminate (and fulminate) about, which obviously translates into less to blog about. Despite the fact that there are quite a few issues going on that catch my attention, and I often do have my own personal experiences to draw upon that relate to these issues, I'm just not bothered enough by it all to put in the effort and get all worked up about it like I used to.

Occasionally I hear about something which touches on an issue very close to me and it drags me right back into that world, full force, and I find myself getting all agitated and upset, but by the time I've gathered up my few thoughts on the matter, and am ready to put them down on paper, I'm thinking to myself, "Why bother?"

Overall, I think this is a good thing. It seems I'm making progress in finally getting past it all. Although a part of me does feel bad about it in some way. Not having an issue that captures my attention so completely makes me feel a bit empty, dull. Thankfully, I still have much in my life to think about, but I never intended this blog to be just an outlet for my own personal issues. I'm not interested in rambling on about the various figures, experiences, and activities of my life. What I intended this blog for was to say things that I thought people needed to hear. I didn't just want to kvetch about things I didn't like. I tried to clearly make a case of how wrong, damaging, and screwed up the system is. Half a year after I started, it's still pretty much just as screwed up as when I started, and now I care so much less about making it any better.

In one of my earliest postings, I elaborated on the reasons why I bother blogging. I wrote there that even though I am not actively part of the chareidi community many of the issues still concern me. Well, I guess now I can say the same reason applies to why I'm not blogging so much lately. The issues just don't concern me too much anymore. And since that was a big part of what motivated me to write here, unless I change the focus or format of this blog, I don't think you should expect to see too much significant writing here in the future. I still will write, but it'll probably be shorter blurbs than is typical for me.

Or maybe not. Now that I'm done writing this piece, a whole bunch of issues are flashing through my head that I know I want to elaborate on. Oh well. We'll see what happens.


Anonymous said...

Something will always happen to suck you back in. Unless you marry an eskimo and move to Alaska. Just wait.

Anonymous said...

No, you're wrong. You still have many issues to deal with. Typical of somebody with your personality, you're just hiding from all of your troubles. You can't fool me. I have studied kabbalah greatly, and can see that you have much healing yet to do. And this will take work and dedication. Blogging long post after long post daily as just a miniscule part of your expressing yourself, digging to find the little yid hiding deep down in your soul next to your pancreas. Hashem is on your side, tifferet in the middle - don't give up blogging. I'll help you through. I'll help you shine. Footloose through the soul. The path of the Jewish soul-warrior. Daven with three pairs of tzitzit and four pairs of tefillin, blogs will come. If you daven, they will come.

Mississippi Fred MacDowell said...

Personally I'm curious if Eskimos nitpick about themselves and are obsessed with the exruciating minutiae of their own culture like we are. So move to Alaska and report back.

anonymous said...

"Daven with three pairs of tzitzit and four pairs of tefillin, blogs will come. If you daven, they will come."

yes, there are people crazier than the charedim...